A few nights ago I dreamed that Milkshake competed in and won an all-cat marathon. I am not making this up. The best part of the dream was at the very end of the race, each cat had to locate and enter a hidden hole in a wall and then slide down a chute to cross the finish line. Save for a few panicked moments when he couldn't find the entrance (owners were not allowed to assist), I watched calmly from a distance...glowing with pride as the Milkman slid head first to victory.
So what does this tell us? First of all, it tells us that I am now subconsciously manifesting my athletic competitiveness and running obsession into my cat. Secondly, it tells us that there needs to be a cat marathon.
Milky would fucking rule in the cat marathon game. They say pets can take on the characteristic of their owners, right? Speaking as a runner who, no matter the circumstance, will NEVER let anyone of similar age or fitness run faster or farther than me (this mindset nearly ended my life on a cold two mile-long incline during a 5k in Blowing Rock a few years ago), if he takes on even half of my running psychosis he will be unstoppable feline force of fastness.
I outlined for him an 18-week marathon training regimen that I laid out in detail between his 31 naps yesterday. Cue "Going The Distance" from the Rocky soundtrack and get ready for a kick ass training montage.
I can donate my Lab/Rotty mix - see "Bodhi-man" on facebook - to assist in Milkshake's training. He's a great pace-setter. You can put him on the cat's tail for several steady miles to get things movin'. Then you cue Bodhi by saying, "Git that pussy!" After that he lets loose a heapin' helpin' of nitrous that'll send the Milkman full-tilt-boogie across the threshold of CAT-GOD-NESS! ... no additional lives spent! And you can use the same cue during the race; no one will be any wiser when you yell out, "Git that pussy!" You just watch the fire shoot out of Milkshake's ass...
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